mirko

I don't know what I should say to you. Everything feels wrong. No, everything sounds wrong. I can't say that I don't love you anymore, because I do. But that's friendly love, nothing else. I don't want you to think that something might happen, because it won't. I want your love, of course I do. I want you to be a part of my life. But I also want you to understand which part that is. You were my first love, you'll always be. Now you're more like my best friend. Just because we have been through so much together and just because I loved you in a different way in the past. I can trust you and I know that. You make me feel safe. It's just such a wonderful feeling. Your voice makes me calm. I will always be safe with you. 
But I want you to know that the thing that was between us, it's still in the past. It will stay there. Yes, I said I loved you. Yes, you said you were in love with me. But that was then. When you tell a thirteen year old girl that you love her, she's gonna believe you. I did. We've shared some times that I will never forget about. I've called you the love of my life, and I know that. Because I really thought that you were.
But we've also been through too much to try again. So please, try to understand me now. I never, ever, thought that I would be the one saying this. But maybe we are better of apart, like you said when you left me that time. It felt like you smashed a hammer through my chest at the moment but now I think I understand what you meant back then. You and I were a good idea at the time but now? Now we're like sugar and salt. Two good things that together becomes a bad thing. And I'm sorry, but I don't think that can change again.
I missed you when you left me. But every time you leave, I always have that feeling inside me that tells me that you'll be back. Of couse I missed you. But you came back. What I mean is, I don't wanna miss you again. I want you in my life, all time. As a friend. Because you've been a part of my life since I was twelve or thirteen. I can't lose you. I'm not that strong.
I just want to be clear on this, before you start trying to fix things between us. You and I will always have those years, nothing can change that. You were the first for me, no one can replace you there. And to hear you say that I'll always have a special place in your heart, that meant a lot to me. It really did. Of course you'll always be able to touch my heart. But that won't change the way I feel. I'll always love you, you know. But you were right last summer, when you left me for her. We're better of together but apart. And in a way, suit yourself. You had me. You had me for six years and you wasted them on every other girl. You had me, you lost me, you had me again. The story goes on and on and on. But it was your choice.
Love is such a wonderful thing, the most amazing feeling in the world. The first time I felt it was with you. Now I have him. And that's how things will be now. You're my best friend. He's my love.